Today’s tip for Amazingness:
“Will you forgive me?” No, what you did was wrong and you don’t deserve it”. Have you ever been told that? Have you ever said that? It is hurtful to bet told that and harmful to hold that kind of attitude, but a person with helpful boundaries, when told “no, I will not forgive you” can learn to say to themselves “That is their issue and I choose to let it go”. It will still hurt a little, but the ownership lies with the person who refuses to forgive. The person who chooses not to forgive may carry the consequences of that decision for the rest of their lives! Forgiveness frees the forgiver!
I really like this definition of forgiveness by Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital “It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not”. Forgiveness doesn’t let the other person off the hook, excuse wrong behavior, deny the other’s responsibility, minimize or deny the offense it means that you will not hold onto resentment, carry thoughts of revenge, ruminate on the wrong doing, etc. Forgiveness is a peace you offer to yourself and in turn may bring peace in the relationship you are dealing with.
It is important to recognize we don’t really forget, we just don’t hold it against someone and keeping yourself safe is not unforgiveness it is a healthy boundary! It is possible to keep a distance or set a boundary and still forgive! It is also important to pull yourself out of an abusive situation if you are in one. Forgiveness does not mean you allow yourself to continue to be mistreated. If you struggle with putting yourself in unhealthy situations I highly recommend the book “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend and that you seek out a safe person to help you change this pattern in your life.
What are the benefits of forgiveness?
- We may gain compassion and empathy towards another
- Build stronger relationships – No deep relationship is without tension, we just have to work past it
- Greater psychological health
- Greater physical health
- Lower blood pressure
- Lower stress
- Stronger immune system
- Greater heart health
- Have an overall healthier outlook on life
- More satisfied in life
- Improve cholesterol levels
- Improved sleep
- Reduce pain
- Reduce anxiety levels
Some people are just more naturally forgiving by nature, but if you aren’t you can learn. Like anything it just takes practice. One key is recognizing the other person does not need to apologize or say “I’m sorry” for you to forgive them. As a matter of fact studies show that such conditional forgiveness does not reap the same benefits that unconditional forgiveness does. “I’m sorry” helps relationally, but is not necessary for forgiveness.
Lastly, you must also learn to forgive yourself! If another person talked about you the way you do, you would be up in arms! Let yourself off the hook! Studies have found one of the ways to help you forgive yourself is by humbling yourself and asking for forgiveness from others when you have wronged them. When my children were growing up I insisted that they not just say “I’m sorry”, which could often be flippant. They had to say “I’m sorry for ________, will you forgive me”. Then, if the other person said no I told my children it was OK, give them time they had, after all been wrong. I then reminded them they had done the right thing by taking ownership of their actions and it would usually work out in the end.
In your journey towards amazing I give you the homework assignment of practicing forgiveness. Practice forgiving yourself and others. If you have been one who has a lifetime of holding grudges it may take a while and may require the help of a good counselor, but the freedom you will feel is worth it! If you afraid that forgiving will be too painful and that pain will take you over I want to encourage you. You will make it, it will not take you over. It may hurt to face the wrongs that have been done against you, but the freedom and health you gain from forgiveness is less painful than the pain you carry every single day through unforgiveness! As the song says “Letttt iitt gooooooo”!
I Leave you with this thought “You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.” –Lewis B. Smedes author, theologian, ethicist.
My journey to amazing:
My Shaklee Life: I love having a Shaklee business. I enjoy the income it brings in, but more than that I really love the fact that every day I get to help someone else be healthier and help them be their best version of themselves. In my journey to amazing I intend to grow my business and help more people and have fun in the process. If you’d like to learn more about Shaklee email me at email@example.com.
“Like” My Shaklee Life Facebook page and learn health and fitness tips as well as more about Shaklee.
My Life of Well Being: It is my determination to be more fit, and develop healthy holistic attitudes towards my health and my body. I choose to do this through education, exercise, caring for myself, and healthy eating and Shaklee.
Here is my Shaklee 180 fitness plan. If you you’d like to join me ask me about becoming a member and having access to the 180 fitness plan, meal plans and nutrition guides.
Monday & Thursday: Upper
Tuesday & Friday: Core
Wednesday & Saturday: Lower
I also add in Yoga and Tai Chi and Dolphin Pushups -oof and walking!
What motivates you? Reply and share your motivating tricks and tips.
100 Days to Amazing! You can do amazing things. I believe you can; you believe you can too!
What the 100 Days is about:
I was at the Shaklee Global Conference August 12-16th and we were challenged to 100 Days of Amazing with the question of what could we accomplish in 100 days if we really tried? I was inspired by the challenge, both as a business builder who wants to grow my business in 100 days and as an individual! What could I do in 100 days? This blog is a journey, an exercise in learning ways to be the best me, I can be and to help you be the best you, you can be while I’m at it!
Thanks for joining me on this journey!
All photography is by me. Feel free to share, but I ask that you credit the photo to my Lisa Wright Burbach. To see more of my photos visit my flickr site and Instagram listed to the right. I also have some photography on Pinterest.